Mental load: when thinking becomes a permanent burden

What mental load really means

Mental load refers to the invisible thinking process in everyday life: the constant planning, remembering and coordination that goes on in the background – often alongside work, family and care work. What people often underestimate is that it’s not about individual tasks. Psychologist Dr Filomena Sabatella sums it up in a podcast:

This distinction is crucial because while tasks are visible and can be distributed, responsibility for all the thinking often falls to one person. Mental load is therefore more about “who thinks about everything?” than “who does what?”.

This form of thinking works quietly in the background. It has no clear beginning and no clear end. It doesn’t appear on payslips and isn’t recorded in working hours. And this is precisely why it is so often overlooked and left unmentioned.

What’s the difference between mental load, cognitive load and invisible labour?

The following terms are often used synonymously, but they refer to slightly different aspects:

• Mental load refers to permanent cognitive responsibility in domestic life – thinking, planning, coordinating.
• Invisible labour is the overarching term for all activities that don’t receive formal recognition – including emotional work and maintaining relationships.
• Cognitive load is a cognitive psychology term describing the total capacity of our working memory. Mental load permanently occupies this capacity, leaving less room for recreation, creativity and decision-making quality.

Why mental load is so difficult to grasp

Care work is visible. You can see when someone is shopping, organizing or taking care of things. These activities can be named and are noticed. What goes on at the same time, however, often remains invisible.

• Who notices that something is missing?
• Who thinks about the next step before it’s even necessary?
• Who ensures that nothing falls through the cracks?

This form of responsibility rarely arises consciously. It develops in everyday life – and often remains unspoken. This is precisely the problem: mental load is there, but it’s hard to grasp.

How mental load arises in everyday life

Mental load doesn’t build up suddenly. It grows gradually – and often unnoticed. Dr Sabatella describes this process in very concrete terms: a day consists not merely of individual tasks, but of a chain of thoughts: coordinating deadlines, thinking about follow-up tasks, preparing the next steps. And while one thing is being done, the next one is already going through your head. This creates a kind of permanent state – especially during life phases where many different things come together: career, family, children, parents and social obligations. This period is not called the “rush hour of life” for nothing. The problem is not an individual task; it’s how everything all adds up. And at some point, it becomes clear that your head is no longer really calming down.

Specific examples of mental load in everyday life

Mental load plays out in many small, invisible thought processes. Seen individually, they seem trivial, but taken together, they create a lasting mental strain.

This last point is particularly revealing: mental load often means being the household’s only “living memory”. Knowing where your passport is, when the car inspection is due to be carried out or which child has which allergy – all of this falls on one person rather than being distributed.

Mental load in couples: the invisible imbalance

For many couples, tasks tend to be distributed. However, the crucial question is often not who gets things done, but who thinks that they need to be taken care of.

Who keeps track of things? Who notices that something is missing? Who ensures that nothing falls through the cracks?

This gives rise to a silent responsibility that is rarely spoken about because it’s hard to grasp. And that’s why it often leads to misunderstandings: from the outside, the distribution seems fair – but on the inside, it feels completely different.

The problem with “Just tell me what to do”

A common pattern in couples: one person asks the other to take on some tasks – only to receive the reply: “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it”. That sounds helpful, and it is helpful. But it doesn’t solve the real problem,

because it means the mental ownership still falls to just one person. They not only have to describe the task, but also identify the right time, anticipate the need and spell out what needs to be done. This is work in itself and creates additional mental load.

The difference between “I do it” and “I take responsibility for it” is precisely this point.

How does this imbalance come about?

The causes are rarely down to bad intentions, but mostly a combination of:

• Traditional roles that persist even in modern relationships
• Different perceptions: what obviously needs to be done for one person simply escapes the other person’s notice.
• Unconscious expectations: “It’ll sort itself out somehow ” – usually by the person who noticed it.
• Lack of language: since there was no term to describe this phenomenon, it wasn’t named for a long time – and therefore wasn’t addressed.

Symptoms of mental load: how to recognize it

Mental load rarely manifests clearly, but rather through a feeling that weaves its way through everyday life. Many say that their mind never really switches off. That their thoughts keep racing even when it’s time to rest. That even small things feel as if they require extra energy. A typical thought is: if I don’t think about it, it won’t happen.

Dr Filomena Sabatella adds that this sense of responsibility is a key element. It’s not just about organization, but also control and security. Mental load can therefore act as both a strain and a stabilizing force at the same time.

The long-term underestimated consequences: how mental load affects your financial situation

Mental load has its fair share of consequences – and these often only become apparent years later when it comes to income, retirement planning and financial independence.

Career and income

Anyone carrying a permanent organizational and mental workload makes professional decisions under different conditions to those who don’t bear this burden:

• They reduce their workload – often for pragmatic reasons, not out of choice
• They put off training because “too much is going on”
• They don’t actively pursue promotions or career opportunities
• They see management positions with more responsibility as unrealistic

Part-time work is a key factor here. It relieves the strain in the short term, but it has a long-term impact on income and retirement planning – a connection that is often underestimated. Find out more in our article on part-time work and retirement planning.

Each of these decisions seems sensible or even necessary at the time, but the consequences of them over years and decades results in a structural income disadvantage.

Retirement planning and financial security in Switzerland

In Switzerland, this has a tangible impact on the three-pillar system:

First pillar (OASI)

People who work less or are not in employment at all during certain periods pay less into OASI. This has a direct impact on their old-age pension. Pension gaps are not only created by interruptions in earnings, but also by permanent part-time work below a full-time workload.

Second pillar (employee benefits/pension fund)

The impact on the pension fund is often even more serious. People who work part-time have a lower insured income and therefore lower savings capital and reduced pension benefits in old age. What’s more, employees beneath a certain income threshold (currently OPA coordination deduction) are not covered by mandatory insurance.

Third pillar (private pension)

People who earn less have less room for manoeuvre when paying into the 3rd pillar. This means they have fewer opportunities to fill any gaps from the 1st and 2nd pillars. The retirement savings account 3a, for example, provides an overview of private retirement planning options.

Financial dependence as an underestimated risk

The combination of lower income and reduced retirement planning leads to financial dependency in the long term. Very often, this only becomes apparent when people’s life situation changes: in the event of a separation, the death of a partner or retirement.The people affected aren’t those who have “barely worked” ; it’s often those who have worked around the clock – but only in a sector that isn’t remunerated and doesn’t pay into retirement planning.

Why people talk about it so rarely

One reason is invisibility. What isn’t visible is rarely talked about. Another reason is our own perception. Many people experience mental load without referring to it as such. Instead, they simply believe: “that’s just how it is” or “others can do it too”. In this context, Dr Filomena Sabatella talks about an important first step: making yourself aware of everything that you’re doing. Without this awareness, everything will remain the same.

Reducing your mental load: what really helps

A common reflex is to delegate tasks, but according to Dr Sabatella, this is precisely where misunderstandings happen. Delegating often doesn’t mean giving up responsibility – but rather retaining it and supervising it on top of that. If you’re still thinking about whether something needs to be done, you’re not lightening your mental load. The crucial difference lies elsewhere: delegating responsibility, not tasks.

This also means dealing with uncertainty. Seeing things done differently. Letting go of control to some extent. And that’s often the hardest part.

Perhaps the most important idea of all: mental load isn’t all bad. It can also be a positive thing: taking responsibility, being there for others, shaping relationships. For many people, this is an important part of their everyday lives. It only becomes problematic when it becomes a matter of course. When proactive thinking is expected, but not recognized.

Conclusion: make your mental load visible before it becomes too much

Mental load doesn’t disappear by itself, but it changes as soon as it becomes visible. The first step is therefore not organization, but awareness. Recognizing what’s going on in the background. After all, care work is important but it shouldn’t become a silent burden whose emotional and financial consequences will only become apparent later on.